The Purpose of Life.

If you have ever been through a divorce then you know how you look for some bit of peace on a daily basis and will look in many different areas to find it. My search for peace lead me to meditation. I'm not a religious person, in fact I'm an atheist. I do believe in spirit and connective energy. Whenever someone speaks and uses the word God I think of the universe and the energy that binds everything together. That is my God.

Sunne, who is a person with amazing God energy lead my meditation group and gave me these words. " The only purpose in Life is to expand in Love. Loving people does not mean you have to enjoy their company or respect their values. It means you are willing to keep your heart open to them, show them compassion and except them for who they are." This meant I no longer needed to be around people I didn't like but I could still Love them . People who's values didn't align with mine didn't matter. I just have to open my heart to them. This is a relief and makes sending out the Love much easier. She went on to say, " It means Loving God in all of his or her disguises, because if you withdraw your Love everyone loses."

Being connected to the Love makes life much more joyous for me because people can see it radiating and send the Love back to me. Sunne eneded with this, " When Love for no reason flows out into the world through you, you become a blessing to yourself and everyone else." I like that I don't have to tie love to any particular situation or person. I can Love for no reason, unconditional love.

After this I started seeing all the people who have come into my life--the police, the District Attorney, the prison guards, the lawyers, my ex, my ex's friends--all the people who have been a part of the recent stresses in my life and all I could see was God looking back at me. My mind then started flowing and I was seeing faces of all the people who have touched my life over the last 40 years--my neighbors growing up, kindergarden teachers, family, co-workers, girlfriends, enemies, people from the church, and on and on in no particular order and I was in awe of how beautiful everyone was. How amazing God is.

My heart became so full and I felt this burst of Love for God. I couldn't be angry, I couldn't be sad. Astonished, I couldn't hold the Love inside. It burst out of my heart and I forgot where my body was. I forgot that I was in a room full of other people. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. Love was covering me like a cape. I was expanded in Love.

Gay, married or leaving on Tuesday.

Gay, married or leaving on Tuesday.The single women in San Miguel have had a saying for over 15 years: The men are either gay, married or leaving on Tuesday. San Miguel has more single women than single men. I’ve heard ratios as high as 4 to 1. This may be true in raw numbers but women say that with other factors thrown in, the ratio of relationship worthy men drops dramatically.

For such a small, Mexican town, gay men are abundant in San Miguel. We live in a beautiful, creatively artistic community. It seems that many gay men tend to be more creative than straight men and gravitate to this city. It’s said that San Miguel has a female energy. If that’s true and all these single women were drawn here for it, then in theory it could be true that men who have some female energy are also drawn here for the same reasons.

The “solteros casados” or married men and married women float around looking very single. There are many separated couples or couples in the process of a divorce. It's been said that people come to San Miguel to break up. I doubt that's true. People are breaking up everywhere, all the time and San Miguel isn't unique in that aspect, it's it may be that it’s just easier to stay married than to deal with getting a divorce in Mexico. It’s a well-known fact that many of the “singles” in town are married and that people who are truly single are dating people in San Miguel who are married. The really interesting combo is 2 married singles dating. As the joke goes, it’s okay they’re married....just not to each other. Then there’s the whole open relationship thing. These people are married but have an understanding with their spouses that they can date or ¨play¨ with others.














The “Leaving on Tuesday” group—otherwise known as the turistas—is a popular place for singles to go for some uncomplicated fun. San Miguel gets it share of tourists who are only here for a short while and, because it’s cheaper, usually fly out on a Tuesday. They come down to San Miguel and want to have some fun with the locals. Many are single women who are looking for a tour guide with benefits. This is okay but the problem is you can’t build a relationship with Leaving on Tuesdays.

In San Miguel, it’s even possible to find a single person who is a married gay man and is leaving on Tuesday. All three wrapped up in one.

I think the trick is to maneuver through all of these. If you’re a single man or women and have lived here for a while, chances are you have experienced ALL San Miguel has to offer: Gay, Married and Leaving on Tuesday.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOUR LOVER

There became a point in my process that the focus changed from other people to me.
All of the sudden everything changed from being consumed about taking care of the kids or thinking about the next hookup to focusing on myself. It's like someone yelled out from the crowd,"look there's a man standing over there who needs someone to take care of him." The difference is the same man that asked for help is the one who gave it. Leaning on myself. Supporting myself. Thinking about myself first.

Taking care of myself the way I would want to take care of my partner. Here's a few ways to break it down always remembering what would I do for my lover or what things would I want for my lover.

Diet, food and dining.
Since I've been alone I haven't sat down to eat nearly as often as when with a partner or the kids. A couple of single friends of mine told me something about thier eating habits. They always prepare a nice dinner for themselves. They set the table, cook a good meal for themselves and sit down with a decent wine to enjoy a meal. One would cook a fantastic dinner for someone they really cared about. Do it for the person you care about most.

Exercise and fitness.

It goes without saying the benefits of exercise. Physicall activity improves your mood, relieves the stresses of the seperation or divorce and prevents depression. Exercise promotes better sleep. A good night's sleep can improve your concentration, productivity and mood. And you guessed it — physical activity is sometimes the key to better sleep. Regular physical activity can help you fall asleep faster and deepen your sleep. Keep your body in shape. You want a partner who does that so do it foryourself.

New Music

Music is commonly utilized in medical therapy to promote wellness, manage stress, alleviate pain, express feelings, enhance memory, improve communication, and promote physical rehabilitation. Diging up new tunes and sharing them with friends is how you can keep your mind fresh. Instead of turning on your partner to new music turn yourself on. Music also creates memories and eras in ones life that can help them move on from situations. Listening to the same old tunes can get your head stuck in the same old mental state while new music can promote growth.

Well decorated comfortable home.
Make your house somewhere you deserve to call home. I'm sure you would bring fresh flowers home for your partner so do it for yourself. Plants, art and good lighting are essintial factors in a home. Fresh paint on the walls and some good art will always change your attitude about yourself. Creating a comfortable spa like bath will give you a place to decompress. Just think of the home you would want for your lover and do it for you.

Good clothing.

It doesn't need to be expensive but it needs to have a style. Keep it fresh. Think about the things you would want for your partner. The new clothing or jewlery you would buy as a gift for them now start buying it for yourself. Chances are you would spend more on someone else than on yourself. Start spending it on yourself.

Learning something new.

Take a life drawing class. Learn a new language. Study astology. Constantly be giving yourself new information. New ideas and get addicted to exploring new things. Feed yourself with information and imporve you knowledge and skills. You would want the same for your partner now do it for yourself.

New Friends

Invite new people into your life. Be selective about this process. Surround yourself with people who are creative, positive, supportive and smart. You deserve to have the best friends possible. Don't settle for less than that. Remember you wouldn't want your partner hanging out with losers. Don't let yourself hang out with losers.

Lean on yourself. Have your back. Lift yourself up. Be good company for yourself. Take care of yourself better than anyone else would.

Be your own lover.

Being alone but never lonely.

Recently I heard someone say,"What type of person would you become if you were alone not seeking a relationship and truly happy with yourself? What things would change? How would you relate to others without a partner? How would you see yourself standing alone in the world? What type of people will be attracted to you? Where would you focus your mind? To be someone who isn't looking for a partner or feeling the need to have one." I've heard from another friend who sums it up like this, "Until you can let go to feeling great about being yourself and identifying yourself without a partner will you be able to be the best partner for someone else." Without this alone love for yourself can you gain maximum love for another.

If there isn't a soft place to land or a partner to help shoulder the burden and you pull threw on your own then you'll be more confident. This will make you better equipped when in a relationship. A fuller sense of self will emerge. A real knowing of who you are without the little touches brought in by a partner. You gain a clearer image of what they want in life. Without the idea of a partnership you can see yourself asking the universe for what you want and be selfish about it. This catalyst will make you the best you are capable of being.

A self assured confident clearly directed person full of self worth and self love.

This sounds pretty good.

I came across a fantastic article written by Bella DePaulo. She wanted to answer the question are single people less happy than people in relationships? Her finding was single people are happy and it's the norm not the exception. Check out her article "Single and Happy".