Being alone but never lonely.

Recently I heard someone say,"What type of person would you become if you were alone not seeking a relationship and truly happy with yourself? What things would change? How would you relate to others without a partner? How would you see yourself standing alone in the world? What type of people will be attracted to you? Where would you focus your mind? To be someone who isn't looking for a partner or feeling the need to have one." I've heard from another friend who sums it up like this, "Until you can let go to feeling great about being yourself and identifying yourself without a partner will you be able to be the best partner for someone else." Without this alone love for yourself can you gain maximum love for another.

If there isn't a soft place to land or a partner to help shoulder the burden and you pull threw on your own then you'll be more confident. This will make you better equipped when in a relationship. A fuller sense of self will emerge. A real knowing of who you are without the little touches brought in by a partner. You gain a clearer image of what they want in life. Without the idea of a partnership you can see yourself asking the universe for what you want and be selfish about it. This catalyst will make you the best you are capable of being.

A self assured confident clearly directed person full of self worth and self love.

This sounds pretty good.

I came across a fantastic article written by Bella DePaulo. She wanted to answer the question are single people less happy than people in relationships? Her finding was single people are happy and it's the norm not the exception. Check out her article "Single and Happy".

Is it really that hard to be yourself?

Does it really take this long? I've had enough revelations. I'm ready to get on living my life as me and to stop taking this daily inventory. Okay I figured some stuff out about me. I figured more than I asked for. So much has been covered in the last 16 months. I opened the closet door and a ton of baggage I'd been storing on the upper shelve came crashing down on me. I went to work right away! I was excited to clean every duffel bag and backpack. I found stuff I stored away since early childhood. I found alter Egos that we're dying to get out and be developed. I played with a few of them and then kicked them to the curb. I realized that all that stuff needed to be addressed and now that I was alone I could peacefully open each piece of luggage and see what needed to be stored away and what needed to end up in the garbage. I started to feel great about being me. I felt good about the journey I had up until now and was ready to change paths. Then so what's the problem? Why can't I get motivated? When can I go out and just start living my life? Why have I become less interested in working and so interested in just being me? Hum I think I just answered my own question. Yea for this last 16 months I've been busy being me. My focus has been on being a father, a boyfriend and me. Things about me I thought I'd tie to my ego and cause damage never really took. Inside the confined of the marriage I had to develop an ego that could identify itself as a person who fit into whatever it was needed to be. It took 16 years to develop my old egotistical self so 16 months learning to live as me isn't really all that long. Sometimes I wish I was a bird. Not so that I can fly but just for the simple reason a bird never ask if he's being his true bird. A bird flies around being always true to it's bird-self never having to ask those introspective questions.

Love compatibility. Maximum Capacity.

I was having a conversation last night with a good friend who is also recently separated. While drinking some Cabernet and cooking risotto we came up with a theory, "Love Compatibility". Love is two parts, the degree of love you can give and the degree of love you’re open to receive. In a relationship it may seem that a partner isn't giving love to the other but in the eyes of the giver maybe they love at their maximum capacity. If a beneficiary of love has a maximum capacity below what the giver is giving to that person then that person may seem to be rejecting the love. In the reality of the receiver they may feel smothered of "bothered". The giver of love may say things like," If you would just let me love you". The giver has so much more to express but most of it just bounces off because the receiver is overloaded with love. Here in lies a problem. The one who has a lower "love capacity" can go through the relationship being completely satisfied. They give all the love they have to give and get full of love from their partner. Of course there are variations on this. I guess the worst love match would be someone who cans receive and needs tons of love but has a super low capacity for giving.
So it stand to reason that if two people have low giving and receiving capacities then they would make a perfect match for each other. If a couple both have high giving and receiving capacities for love then the relationship is "Love Compatible" and might work.