Does it really take this long? I've had enough revelations. I'm ready to get on living my life as me and to stop taking this daily inventory. Okay I figured some stuff out about me. I figured more than I asked for. So much has been covered in the last 16 months. I opened the closet door and a ton of baggage I'd been storing on the upper shelve came crashing down on me. I went to work right away! I was excited to clean every duffel bag and backpack. I found stuff I stored away since early childhood. I found alter Egos that we're dying to get out and be developed. I played with a few of them and then kicked them to the curb. I realized that all that stuff needed to be addressed and now that I was alone I could peacefully open each piece of luggage and see what needed to be stored away and what needed to end up in the garbage. I started to feel great about being me. I felt good about the journey I had up until now and was ready to change paths. Then so what's the problem? Why can't I get motivated? When can I go out and just start living my life? Why have I become less interested in working and so interested in just being me? Hum I think I just answered my own question. Yea for this last 16 months I've been busy being me. My focus has been on being a father, a boyfriend and me. Things about me I thought I'd tie to my ego and cause damage never really took. Inside the confined of the marriage I had to develop an ego that could identify itself as a person who fit into whatever it was needed to be. It took 16 years to develop my old egotistical self so 16 months learning to live as me isn't really all that long. Sometimes I wish I was a bird. Not so that I can fly but just for the simple reason a bird never ask if he's being his true bird. A bird flies around being always true to it's bird-self never having to ask those introspective questions.
